watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
