vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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