It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize