Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
