I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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