he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
