I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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