I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
