Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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