I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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