I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
my liver is dry heaving
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
