my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
