Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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