walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
