They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
