Duck Duck Cougar?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
