My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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