worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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