why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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