drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize