my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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