I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
