I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
