wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just gargled with NyQuil
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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