I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize