no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
