Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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