I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm sobbing to NWA
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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