you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
