She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
