Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
