her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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