Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
