i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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