yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
