Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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