just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
