are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
