He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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