So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
