That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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