Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
