Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize