He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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