everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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