i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
