barbara walters just said penis...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
