how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize