all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
