my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
