Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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