Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
