Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
