So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
