Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
