Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
