Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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