taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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