Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize