I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So vagazzling was a success
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize