My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
