Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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