can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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