Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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