Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
