what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
