Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
