He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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