Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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