just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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