I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
