theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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