Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
