We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
