So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
