Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
